One of the most frustrating feelings in the world is not feeling like you or someone else is living up to their potential. But how do we know what their potential is, and how do we know that this “potential” one sees in somebody isn’t what that person wants?
Growing up I was always called “The Next Bill Gates.” Always. Naturally, this came from my well-known uptake of computers and technology throughout my childhood and into adolescence. I’d take this as a compliment and move along my merry way.
Secretly, though, I resented it. Why create such high expectations for a young one who’s still trying to figure himself out? Sure, on the surface, being the next Bill Gates is obviously an enticing proposition — being a billionaire wouldn’t be so bad. However, I felt like I was being shoved into a box, like people were choosing what I should do for the rest of my life. (This story has me thinking about another post for another day.)
This is where a little neuroticism came into play. I was so afraid of disappointing everyone that I went ahead, at the risk of disappointing myself a little bit, and tried to be this superstar computer person. All I wanted was a positive role other than the bus stop punching bag. Growing up I was socially awkward (that’s putting it lightly) and just wanted, like everybody else, to fit in. I wasn’t really interested in what passed for popular culture then (I watched The Weather Channel well before it was cool or even accepted), so the idea of having a role — to be known for something — was one I relished.
For a while, it worked…but it all unraveled when I got to college. See, the whole “being placed in a box” thing really started to eat at me. It impacted my social life, my love life, and my own personal stability. I’d allowed others’ expectations to filter into my own expectations for my life, and as a result, the level of disappointment in myself had been escalating steadily. The wheels came off into my third year in college, when I had some hard decisions to make about where I was headed. It was then when I took charge of my own happiness, took a little time to think out what I wanted out of life, and then made those hard decisions. It was the first time I’d made a decision for myself taking into account only my own desires and goals in at least five years.
When I first revealed to my then-girlfriend what I was going to do — leave the computer science track and focus on communication with the media studies emphasis — her expressions revealed that she thought I was absolutely crazy. She then followed it up with “You’re wasting your talent.” It was a watershed moment for me — it was 100% validation.
More funny looks and “WTF?” moments followed from a variety of folks in my life (this does not include my parents — they have never put me in a box, and for that I am eternally grateful), but they got over it, especially as I began to head full steam into the program and show them that I know what I’m doing. I began to hone and unlock other talents that had gotten ignored. I was once an excellent writer; this, too had faded, and it’s much harder at 23-24 to regain good writing skills than it was in my formative years. It’s still something I’ve been working at, and it’s something I have to continue to do in order to reconnect those pathways.
It’s not like what I learned in computer science has been lost on me, either. Even though I haven’t completed the program (and I likely won’t in the immediate future, though you never know what could happen later), I got a great deal out of those classes that I have been able to interweave into the work I do with Internet media, so I don’t look on those years as a lost cause. Indeed, those years have been invaluable to my career and place in life, so I can’t help but look on them as a blessing.
The question is, am I now living up to my potential? Nope. I know there’s a lot more I can do, but I have to take it a day at a time. Without something to strive for, what’s the point? I’m doing better at seizing opportunity and taking long-term impact into consideration, which are both important at my age. Even at a reasonably youthful 24, I know time’s ticking, and I’ve got to do what I can while I’m the only person I’m responsible for.
What about you? Are you living up to your own expectations, or do others’ come into play?
Discussion of Potential (Or: A Waste of Talent) is now closed
I, for one, am with you. Though my “do it for yourself” doesn’t stem from changing majors so much as it does from reevaluating the necessity of higher education over experience and trial and error. There are a few things that I’d like to do with my life (such as move from South Carolina) that are postponed by others. The real trick, I think, is to surround yourself with people who are supportive of whatever decisions you make.
In regards to your being behind in writing, see this recent tweet from Merlin Mann:
http://twitter.com/hotdogsladies/statuses/882633963
Genious.
In college, my major was Chemistry, of all subjects, for reasons similar to the ones you describe in your post. It was what I thought others expected of me, not what I wanted for myself.
My real passion has always been writing (with photography running a close second). It just took me a while to figure out how to turn my career path around so I could (profitably) do what I love.
It wasn’t easy but I’m a whole lot happier today than I was way back when.
I graduated highschool at 16. Everyone assumed I would go far and quickly. Instead I dropped out of school two semesters in (I didn’t qualify for Fin Aid due to my parents who wouldn’t pay a dime).
I putzed around and grew up. Then I returned to double majored in Biochem and Biology. I was planning on going to med school; I had the grades and the ambition. I was cooking for a fancy restaurant to pay my way. Then a doctor I had been seeing for a health problem sat me down and said, “Look, if you want kids you can’t wait.”
The choice was easy, eighteen months later we found out about our first kid. Now we have three and I am a self-employed writer with no actual degree. I can live with that.
Intersting stories. I was looking for Jared the Galleria of Jewelry and decided to drop in out of bordom. I enjoyed the storis actually. I too had all that pressure early on, but due to extenuating circumstances dropped out of high school. Then, instead of being pushed by expectations I was pushed by necessity to become gainfully educated and employed. Now 13 years after obtaining my AAS degree I am finishing my BS degree so that I may hop over into something else that interests me and work on a MS degree for career advancment. I’ve even restarted a childhood hobby/sport after 20 years… my life took a big detour, but I’m getting back on track to where I want to be. thanks all for sharing